Disconnected

The hardest part about being depressed is the overwhelming feeling of being alone, utterly alone. I am surrounded by caring family and friends, and yet I feel disconnected. I have to remind myself that there are those who love me and care for me.

Today I didn't feel like doing anything so I just took the kids to a neighbors and hung out. Grace had someone to play with which was great for her. I had an actual adult to talk to. Overall it was a good day, but I feel so insecure. Questions race through my head like: Should I have said that? Was that too forward? Why is my house such a mess? Maybe more people would visit if it looked better ...

I know some of these thoughts are just the depression talking, but I have some rocky relationships that just make me feel so unsafe in the realm of friendship building, but I am NOT going to give up. So I stick my neck out again ...

Balance

In different ways, I have striven to be balanced. When I graduated from college, I wanted to make sure that my work and home life was balanced. Now that I am at home full time, my life is mostly full of "Mom" time. This is so important to me as well as my children, but to be the best Mom that I can be, I need to remember who I am and I am more than being a Mom. Who am I? How do I become a balanced Mom? How do I invest in the other parts of myself?

Little Tidbits to Remember

After a long & tiring day, Grace climbed into my lap for a rock, a lullaby, and a prayer. Usually I pray, but lately, I have been asking if she would like to pray. For the first time last night, she prayed ...

Father in Heaven
Take care of Mama
Amen

my heart just sighed ...

how amazing ...

Isaiah 40:11

He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; He gently leads those that have young.

This verse is one that I repeat over and over when I am having a particularly bad day. It reminds me that the Lord knows and understands the hard work of children.