Changing My Mind

I'd like to change my mind. Some of you may be surprised to hear that because you know how long it takes me to select what to wear in the morning or to decide what's for dinner. I'm pretty good at changing my mind on these less important things, but when it comes to the important things, it's difficult to set my mind right.

What I mean is that I would like to be healthier and make healthier decisions. My mom is going through her second fight with cancer, and I keep reading about healthier choices helping to prevent or decrease your chances of getting cancer.

This leads me to my weight. On one hand, I would like to just accept that all of us are different sizes and like myself the way I am. I'm tired of seeing pictures of anorexic models and comparing myself to them. (Oh you know that you do that too.) On the other hand, I weigh in excess of the range that is determined to be healthy by a bunch of doctors and I have borderline high cholesterol. I can't help thinking that if I lose some weight that I will feel more energetic and maybe live a longer, active life.

So here's the problem: Every time I think about losing weight I hit a wall, a mental wall. According to the more successful weight losers - like Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, & Nutrisystem, for my height and build, I need to eat 1200 calories and exercise 30 minutes a day to lose weight. I can't seem to wrap my head around those numbers, but if I can somehow change my mind, maybe those numbers will be easier to achieve. I think those numbers are impossible and as long as I think that they will be -- how do I change my mind? How do I deal with the physical and emotional discomfort? I want to believe that all my body needs to be healthy and satisfied is 1200 calories, but I'm not there -- How do I get there? That's all I want to know.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Today starts a new year and a new decade.  Looking back, this has been a very eventful decade:  I've had 2 children who are happy and healthy. My mother has fought off cancer and I've moved 4 times.  This past year has been particularly rough for me.  It started with repeated sinus infections and just as I was recovering, I had a bicycle accident that has resulted in 3 surgical procedures, and several months of occupational therapy.

I'm ready for a new year:  A year of health and healing.  I don't know how I feel about making any resolutions.  I really just want to feel healthy and whole.

Prayer is about Trust

I just had this epiphany that prayer is about trust. I may be coming to this a little slow since I've been a Christian for almost 25 years. At various times in my life, I've really struggled with prayer because well God knows everything so what purpose does it serve for me to tell him what He already knows. I've also gone through times when prayer just seemed like me taking my to do list to Him. It is easier for me to thank him because I think that I have a pretty great life.

Anyway, I went to Bible Study Fellowship this morning yesterday, and the topic was Numbers 11 & 12. The whole theme of Numbers 11 is about complaining. The Israelites complained and God got angry, but then Moses seems to complain and God helped Him. What's with that? The difference is that the Israelites were complaining about God's provision. They were rejecting his feeding of them in the middle of the desert. Moses was overwhelmed with governing over at least 2 million people and he complained to God, and then trusted God to take care of it. This is where I got my epiphany. God wants us to come to Him for help, and those cries or prayers get answered (although we may still not like the answer) when we trust God with the solution. The key is trusting or having faith that God is good, Holy, and Just, that He cares about us.

I agree that it is hard to trust a God in a world that is full of hate and destruction. That makes faith all the harder, but I just don't believe that God is behind all of the hate and destruction, we can do those things by ourselves. That's a discussion for another time.

So I guess it is time that I start praying like I mean it, really giving over my frustrations to God. If you read Numbers 11:11, you will see that Moses really took all of his frustrations over to God. The rest of the chapter shows God's response. I hope this gives you the encouragement that it gave me.

God bless!

Observations from Moving from Place to Place

This is a list that I put together based on living and moving in so many places. I will probably add a few items as I come up with more. Please leave your own observations in the comments.

1) Not everything is cheaper in small towns: The bigger city that I've lived in the cheaper the water although I've always lived in places where water is plentiful.

2) Sometimes more competition means much better customer service if it doesn't mean better prices.

3) Grocery prices are really not all that different from place to place although Houston has the cheapest grocery prices, possibly because it is so close to Mexico and the Gulf of Mexico. Our food bill has shrunk living in a small town because there just aren't that many places to eat out.

4) Preschools, classes, hair stylists, and oil changes are better priced in smaller areas.

5) People are pretty much the same where ever I've been, but different areas have their own flavor. Each area has its own terminology so in some ways, I have to learn the local language.

6) People who haven't moved around don't realize that not everyone does things the same way. You can definitely tell the difference between areas that are used to dealing with newcomers and those that aren't.

7) Churches in small towns are probably a good 20 years behind what's going on in the big city churches, but community is easier to find in small towns than in big cities.

8) Some small town hospitality would be really creepy in a big city.

9) The internet & the library are great tools no matter where I live, and both have their own social circles.

10) A bigger house doesn't necessarily mean it's harder to clean, but the more stuff I have, the harder it is to clean a house, no matter how big it is. I have gotten better and better at getting rid of stuff.

Sickness & Blogs

I guess a month with an infected tooth really depletes the immune system. My immune system just keeps getting kicked to the curb. I wash and wash and wash my hands, but I also cuddle and clean up after my sick kids, and according to my Germ Guru, this exposes me to lots of germs. So I'm washing my hands, disinfecting the house, taking my vitamins, eating well when I have an appetite, drinking lots of clear liquids, and resting as much as possible.

Unfortunately, for those of you that actually read this blog (Are there really any of you out there?) I haven't been very consistent with making entries. I wanted to let you know that I do have some ideas for blogs, but while being sick, they seem to only come out one line at a time. My goal is to post blogs on Monday, Wednesday & Friday, so if I'm going to post, I'll post on these days with the ultimate goal that I'll post every Monday, Wednesday & Friday.

Please say hi if you're out there? Also any guesses to the identity of the Germ Guru, and isn't this a great nick name for her?

It is still Beautiful if it isn't perfect.

G
I have been really pondering this quote from a favorite blog of mine lately. I think that it is a matter of choice to look at a scene in all of its imperfections and choose to concentrate on the beautiful.

We've had a lot of snow this year. Last week, we got another 8 inches. N and G went outside to make a snow lady. (All major characters are girls to G.) When they came back in, the snow lady was made, but it was far from perfect; Short and fat with no neat round balls. Evidently, the snow was too dry and it wouldn't pack into balls so they mounded it into a big heap and then carved out the figure. Mismatched hat and scarf with carrots for the whole face completed the character. G loved her snow lady, but N was very disappointed in the snow. It just wasn't the picture perfect snowman.

I smiled when I saw the lady. She was beautiful. She represented a father spending time outside with his daughter. She graces our front yard like a snow Michelin tire. Why look at what she isn't when there is so much to appreciate in what she is. Our short and fat snow lady is absolutely beautiful.

Something to think about ...

As I've been nursing a sick child and thinking about my to do list, I've decided to spend some time appreciating what we do that I really like. We've been more conscious about spending time around the dinner table. We've been reading and discussing devotionals with the kids, and it has been so good to focus on what is important, instead of the urgent. We're trying to find a young kid friendly service project, but it seems that 4 yo is still too young.

A friend of mine posted this video on her blog, and it seems to be in the same context of focusing on what is important:

The Truck is Here!

It is finally sinking in... The boxes are packed and the truck is here to take everything away.

If only my stomach would calm down ....

What Kind of Tea are You?

In the interest of another quick post ...

You Are Chai Tea

There are many subtle sides to your personality. You are difficult to decode. You are a complex and deep individual. You have many nuanced beliefs, and your mood frequently changes. You are a creative and expressive person. You draw your inspiration from the whole world. You enjoy exotic food, music, and travel. Your tastes are very international.

What Kind of Tea Are You?

I thought this was interesting because it pretty much nailed both my favorite tea and even my personality. Interesting ...

Mmm ... Chocolate

Since moving has taken over my brain, and I can't seem to get together a real post. I thought I would just do something fun. So here goes:

What Your Taste in Chocolate Says About You

You are sophisticated, modern, and high class. Your taste is refined, but you are not picky. You are often the first to try something new. You are down to earth and lovable. A true friend, you're very tolerant and understanding. In fact, your friends' biggest problem is that they don't like each other! You love working, making deals, and succeeding. You like to be a part of the action. You feel lost when you're bored. There's little more fulfilling that your career.

The Chocolate Oracle

Moving, Moving, Moving ...

I have completed the moving survey, chosen the home owner's insurance, and filled out all the paperwork for the mortgage.

I have delivered and pick up the dry cleaning, gotten the oil changed in the van, taken the kids to get their hair cut, and dropped off the books at the library.

I think I can rest now...

Weight Loss Goal Met!!!

I have officially lost 15 pounds!!! I can't believe that I'm still losing even with all of the stress of moving. I really want to eat sweets all of the time, but I'm trying to have a little bit everyday without going overboard.

A Much-Needed Verse & 10 Positive Things

"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing". Zephaniah 3:17.

A friend of mine posted this verse, and I must say that I really needed to hear it. I need to remember how great and good He is because when I get stressed, I easily forget. Along these lines, I thought I would post some good things to remember.

1. N's Grandma is out of ICU and on the mend.
2. My Grandma is in fairly decent health.
3. I love the relationship that I have with my sisters and it has only gotten better with time.
4. N & I's relationship is good, and I love it that we are learning how to work as a team.
5. Unlimited long distance is so wonderful when you move around, and most of the people you know are out of town.
6. G's birthday is coming up.
7. G has such a helpful attitude.
8. Playing catch with the football is a roflol good time with C.
9. I have begun knitting my bedspread.
10. In a month or so, I will be within an hour of my bestest girlfriend. We haven't lived in the same state in years and years.

The picture above is a Texas sunset. Sunsets are one of the things I love most about Texas.

Insurance Quotes

I've spent the last couple of days getting home insurance quotes. I'm so bored. So I took the kids to MickyD's for lunch. They spent a couple of hours running and screaming, and then we had reading time at home. Today I just read to them, but we have been asking G to read more and more to us. I actually have tried to have a little "homework" about 3 days a week. I'll talk to her about adding and subtracting or reading or writing. We even will look up science questions on the internet. I'm a little concerned that she is going to be behind when we switch from Maryland to Ohio schools. This is probably just nerves on my part.

Busy July, Hopefully Slower August

July was a busy, busy month, and we were away from home more often than were at home. We spent 4 days in Hershey & Lancaster, PA. We were in Ohio for 10 days searching for a new house and visiting family. After Ohio, we were home for 3 days and then we went to the beach for 4 days. The beach was so wonderful. It was peaceful, and refreshing. The salt air cleared up my skin, and my allergies were gone. I'm not much of a swimming fan, but I do love the slower pace of life and the sounds of the birds and the waves. Spending time just hanging out with my family was so nice. For the last couple of years, whenever we have met with my family, there have been 2 weddings and a baby shower. After the beach, N went home, but the kids and I went to my parents for a week. I really appreciated not having to keep the house up for potential buyers.

Now I'm back at home, keeping it clean. I've bought a few school supplies, and I'm working on all of the details of moving.

The hardest bit for me is managing my anxiety. That has been difficult, and I'm not really sleeping all that well. It is hard for me to stay present. I keep trying to slow myself down, breath and just take things one at a time.

About the kids, C has kept his night time pull up dry for over a week. I think I'm going to switch him to underwear at night, especially since this morning, he actually got out of bed and went potty and then got back into bed. He is so excited since I've promised him a big toy if he can keep his underpants dry. I think this is making G a little nervous because she is 2 years older than him and she still can't keep her night time pull up dry. Any ideas on how to encourage the younger while not discouraging the older? G probably has inherited the gene that has a later bladder development. Maybe I can get G to talk to me about it ...

Bad Cold ... Must take a break

We are getting our house ready to be put on the market and so I've been busy cleaning, organizing, and decluttering. I started upstairs and room by room, closet by closet, and pile by pile I've made it through my long list. I'm in the home stretch, but today I just wasn't up to any cleaning because I have this cold, and I just want to curl up on the couch and sleep. Oh well, I do have a hair appointment in an hour, maybe that will make me feel better. The house is looking pretty good. I'm down to paper piles and the storage areas. Oh and I need to start touching up the paint. It is looking so much better, and I always wonder why it takes moving away to get my house in decent shape. I've had the carpets cleaned, and they look great. (Thanks Robbie Rosenberger!) If I am going to be sitting most of the day, I do plan on working on the laundry (boring), paper piles (even more boring) and knitting (yay ... I'm almost finished with G's dress). I know this is such a boring post (the reason why I haven't posted anything for a while.) I have learned that listening to books on tape makes the housework go much faster. Two books that I've enjoyed are:

Stardust by Neil Gaiman

Confessions of a Jane Austin Addict by Laurie Viera Rigler

Dinner has been mostly grilled meat with salad. I'm down 12 pounds using Weight Watchers Online, even though I've been counting my housework as my exercise. I do love the Weight Watchers Giant Bars (Latte is my favorite) as well as their English Toffee bars.

Weight Loss isn't all about the Food

It looks like I'm gonna gain weight this week. It isn't official until Monday when I weight myself, but I think it's going to happen. The thing is that I have been eating well this week, meaning that I have eaten within my points or calories. What I haven't done well this week is 1) Get enough sleep, 2) Drink enough water and 3) Exercise has happened but on the light side. I would say that most of this has been caused by allergies and anxiety (i.e. N's job issues), but you know what: allergies and anxiety are going to happen to me. Everyone has something, and allergies and anxiety are my something. Somehow I'm going to have to figure out how to either conquer them or go around them or something. I'm looking forward to Monday so I can start fresh. I hope all of the rain we've been getting will wash away my allergies.

More of the Same

Just more of the same has been going on around here. G is playing Lacrosse and both of the kids are in swimming. The whole swimming thing isn't really working out for C, and I am looking into some other options. The class is set up with 7 kids and 1 instructor. The instructor works with the kids one at a time, and while he is working with one, the others are supposed to calmly sit on the steps in the pool and wait. So for half an hour class, each kid gets about 5 minutes of one on one time and spends the rest of the class just sitting. I've heard that most of the swim classes around here are structured this way. This was not how they were done at the Y in OH! Either a parent was required to get in the water with the kids or they did things together. I've heard of private lessons (more expensive) or during the summer, individual teachers will set up 2 week intensives using teenagers to help corral the young kids.

We've had a lot of rain and my allergies are getting better, but I just want to sleep all the time. G is struggling too, and C has been a wild man. Yesterday, I had a friend over and when we went outside to say goodbye, C climbed on her car. Lovely....

I was folding laundry in the basement, and C was upstairs for a long time. I went upstairs to check on him, and he was cutting G's flash cards in half. I gave him a time out and went to get supplies to fix the cards. C tells me that at school when he knocks down someone else's blocks, then he has to help put them back up again. He thinks that instead of a time out, he should just have to help fix the flash cards. He did help me fix the cards, but he did get a time out too. How did he get so smart?

Too Long

I can't believe it has been so long since I last posted. My days have been filled with anxiety, migraines, & disciplining Caden. My kids have been talking so much that with the headache, I just have a really difficult time focusing on anything. The anxiety is lessening, and now I'm just dealing with the Bradford pear trees blooming. I think I need more sleep. Allergies always seems to cause me to require more sleep. I have been knitting, and when I get around to it, I hope to post some pictures. Anyway, I thought I would post the following questionnaire:

You're feeling: sleepy

To your left: an end table with a lamp and a stack of books

On your mind: what should I work on next or should I just rest

Last meal included: Hot Easy Now tea, Newman's Own Flakes 'N Strawberries cereal with soy milk

You sometimes find it hard to: find the joy in motherhood (yesterday was a particularly trying day)

The weather: a warm & sunny spring day :-)

Something you have a collection of: coins

A smell that cheers you up: cinnamon or chocolate

A smell that can ruin your mood: wiping poop off my children's behind

How long since you last shaved: a couple of days

The current state of your hair: ponytail

The largest item on your desk/workspace (not computer): the scanner or the printer

Your skill with chopsticks: beginner

Which section you head for first in a bookstore: Crafts or Magazines

Something you're craving: chocolate

Your general thoughts on the presidential race: irritating

How many times have you been hospitalized this year: none

Favorite place to go for a quiet moment: my bedroom

You've always secretly thought you'd be a good: librarian or bookstore owner

Something that freaks you out a little: door-to-door salesmen

Something you've eaten too much of lately: ice cream

You have never: broken a bone

You never want to: get cancer

Birth Experiences

N and I were just kind of wondering aloud as we were trying to fall asleep last night. We started talking about our children and their birth experiences. I am sure this is not the most scientific and hindsight is 20/20 of course, but how does birthing effect a child's personality. G's birth was fairly dramatic and she is predisposed to dramatics. C's birth was on the quick and easier spectrum of births and emotionally he is definitely easier going. On a gross side note, there was a lot of poop involved with C's birth, and he is one of the poopiest children known to mankind. My sister, B, was made horribly angry right before birth (The doctor actually pushed her back up the birth canal in order to unwrap the cord from around her neck.). She arrived in this world black and blue (She looked she had been in bar room brawl.). She screamed for at least an hour after birth, and I remember her childhood as being full of very loud protests although she does seem to have calmed down a great deal in the last few years.

So tell me what you think? What kind of impact do you think birth experiences have on a child's personality?