I just read this great article called Talking to Yourself by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott. It was in the Fall 2004 edition of Marriage Partnership. It was really useful, and its message could apply to more than just the marriage relationship. In a nut shell, the article talks about how the thoughts that we tell ourselves influence our attitude toward our spouses. For example, if our spouse isn't as attentive as we would like, then our thought "He is ignoring me and he doesn't care for me," creates a hurdle in our relationship where a thought of "maybe he's had a rough day" encourages empathy and bonding.
My attitude and feelings are greatly influenced by how I allow myself to think, more than I would like to admit. I find that writing them down in a journal helps me to gain perspective and process them more rationally. Sometimes I don't know that something is just silly until I write it down and read it.
The article recommended praying the Bible back to God. I really liked this prayer that they gave from 2 Corinthians 10:5: "Lord, help me take captive my every thought to make it obedient to Christ and pleasing to you."
Personally I struggle more with my relationships outside of my marriage and family. I get very insecure with starting new relationships, but if I don't start new friendships, then I am isolated and lonely and even more depressed. I can have very negative self-talk: "She doesn't really want to get to know me;" "I don't fit in here;" "I don't know what to say;" "She's too cool for me." The thoughts quickly escalate to: "I have no friends." It can get really pitiful. These thoughts mold my feelings, and they contribute to my depression and the anxiety I feel in some social situations. By learning to replace my negative thoughts with more rational, positive thoughts, I am healthier. That is just amazing to me.
Here are the recommendations of the article:
1) Pray. (Start every morning by praying the Bible back to God. See example above.)
2) Take note of your self-talk.
3) Identify the situation. (What situations provoke an irrational internal conversation?)
4) Ask yourself some questions. (Is what I'm thinking really accurate?)
5) Counter your thoughts.(Set your thoughts on a positive track by following Philippians 4:8-9.)
"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -- think about such things ... and the God of peace will be with you." Philippians 4:8-9
6) Speak the positive. (If you think a positive thought, say it outloud.)
7) Verbalize your thoughts. (Don't expect others to read your thoughts. Discuss issues.)
8) Take action. (Identify your most common negative thoughts, and write down a statement which turns the negative into a positive.)
My attitude and feelings are greatly influenced by how I allow myself to think, more than I would like to admit. I find that writing them down in a journal helps me to gain perspective and process them more rationally. Sometimes I don't know that something is just silly until I write it down and read it.
The article recommended praying the Bible back to God. I really liked this prayer that they gave from 2 Corinthians 10:5: "Lord, help me take captive my every thought to make it obedient to Christ and pleasing to you."
Personally I struggle more with my relationships outside of my marriage and family. I get very insecure with starting new relationships, but if I don't start new friendships, then I am isolated and lonely and even more depressed. I can have very negative self-talk: "She doesn't really want to get to know me;" "I don't fit in here;" "I don't know what to say;" "She's too cool for me." The thoughts quickly escalate to: "I have no friends." It can get really pitiful. These thoughts mold my feelings, and they contribute to my depression and the anxiety I feel in some social situations. By learning to replace my negative thoughts with more rational, positive thoughts, I am healthier. That is just amazing to me.
Here are the recommendations of the article:
1) Pray. (Start every morning by praying the Bible back to God. See example above.)
2) Take note of your self-talk.
3) Identify the situation. (What situations provoke an irrational internal conversation?)
4) Ask yourself some questions. (Is what I'm thinking really accurate?)
5) Counter your thoughts.(Set your thoughts on a positive track by following Philippians 4:8-9.)
"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -- think about such things ... and the God of peace will be with you." Philippians 4:8-9
6) Speak the positive. (If you think a positive thought, say it outloud.)
7) Verbalize your thoughts. (Don't expect others to read your thoughts. Discuss issues.)
8) Take action. (Identify your most common negative thoughts, and write down a statement which turns the negative into a positive.)
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