Happy Birthday Jen

Jen is one of my closest friends. We have been friends for 17 years. Old friends are very special. I don't have to explain myself to Jen because she knows me already. She is compassionate and kind. She is great.

Raised Hands

I grew up in a church where we raised our hands during worship. When anyone would ask why we raised our hands, we would tell them that it is like a small child raising their hands to their mom or dad. Since I've had children, I have realized that babies don't raise their hands to be picked up until they are several months old. It is only after their parents have reached out to pick them up hundreds of times that they learn they can lift their hands to be picked up and held. So when we reach out to be held by our heavenly father, we can do that because he has reached out and picked us up for a cuddle first. He loved us first.

Strong-Willed

A couple of times this last week I caught Focus on the Family's messages on Strong-Willed Children. It has been interesting because I haven't really been thinking of my own children, but rather what was I like as a child. I have always thought of myself as strong-willed and stubborn. I think that my whole family is strong-willed. Listening to the messages confirmed my thoughts that being strong-willed cuts both ways -- it can be good or bad; the choice is up to you. Some strong-willed college students talked of how their parents appreciated their strong-willed-ness. Their parents actually appreciated the trouble that the children caused them growing up because it made the parents better people. That amazes me, and I really like it. It is a good thing to be strong-willed. It is a good thing to be strong-willed. It is a good thing to be strong-willed. God made us strong-willed. Isn't that amazing? There is no wrong in being strong-willed. Just like anger, the sin comes in how we use it. I tend to think that of being stubborn as a burden, and I hate that my family and friends have to help carry with me. It is really freeing to think that being strong-willed is a blessing from God. Of course, I need to be careful not to wrong others in my stubbornness, but I was not made defective. How cool is that?

Talking to Yourself

I just read this great article called Talking to Yourself by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott. It was in the Fall 2004 edition of Marriage Partnership. It was really useful, and its message could apply to more than just the marriage relationship. In a nut shell, the article talks about how the thoughts that we tell ourselves influence our attitude toward our spouses. For example, if our spouse isn't as attentive as we would like, then our thought "He is ignoring me and he doesn't care for me," creates a hurdle in our relationship where a thought of "maybe he's had a rough day" encourages empathy and bonding.

My attitude and feelings are greatly influenced by how I allow myself to think, more than I would like to admit. I find that writing them down in a journal helps me to gain perspective and process them more rationally. Sometimes I don't know that something is just silly until I write it down and read it.

The article recommended praying the Bible back to God. I really liked this prayer that they gave from 2 Corinthians 10:5: "Lord, help me take captive my every thought to make it obedient to Christ and pleasing to you."

Personally I struggle more with my relationships outside of my marriage and family. I get very insecure with starting new relationships, but if I don't start new friendships, then I am isolated and lonely and even more depressed. I can have very negative self-talk: "She doesn't really want to get to know me;" "I don't fit in here;" "I don't know what to say;" "She's too cool for me." The thoughts quickly escalate to: "I have no friends." It can get really pitiful. These thoughts mold my feelings, and they contribute to my depression and the anxiety I feel in some social situations. By learning to replace my negative thoughts with more rational, positive thoughts, I am healthier. That is just amazing to me.

Here are the recommendations of the article:

1) Pray. (Start every morning by praying the Bible back to God. See example above.)
2) Take note of your self-talk.
3) Identify the situation. (What situations provoke an irrational internal conversation?)
4) Ask yourself some questions. (Is what I'm thinking really accurate?)
5) Counter your thoughts.(Set your thoughts on a positive track by following Philippians 4:8-9.)

"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -- think about such things ... and the God of peace will be with you." Philippians 4:8-9

6) Speak the positive. (If you think a positive thought, say it outloud.)
7) Verbalize your thoughts. (Don't expect others to read your thoughts. Discuss issues.)
8) Take action. (Identify your most common negative thoughts, and write down a statement which turns the negative into a positive.)

Disconnected

The hardest part about being depressed is the overwhelming feeling of being alone, utterly alone. I am surrounded by caring family and friends, and yet I feel disconnected. I have to remind myself that there are those who love me and care for me.

Today I didn't feel like doing anything so I just took the kids to a neighbors and hung out. Grace had someone to play with which was great for her. I had an actual adult to talk to. Overall it was a good day, but I feel so insecure. Questions race through my head like: Should I have said that? Was that too forward? Why is my house such a mess? Maybe more people would visit if it looked better ...

I know some of these thoughts are just the depression talking, but I have some rocky relationships that just make me feel so unsafe in the realm of friendship building, but I am NOT going to give up. So I stick my neck out again ...